My sister like to joke that my friend Z and I are a married couple, which is funny, but when push comes to shove, I see what she means. Sadly, for me, the marriage seems to be less happy than stressful. I am not a person who has very many friends, but those friends to whom I cleave I hold very close to my heart. Sadly, this means that I tend to end up in friendships wherein I put a lot more stock in the relationship than the other person, which leads to me getting hurt. A lot.
I consider Him my best friend, but I get the distinct feeling that if we stopped talking tomorrow, He probably wouldn't care. He has plenty of other friends (many of whom include people that I consider my friends), and I feel like most of the time He's just humoring me. I dunno. It's also one of those relationships in which I don't want to confront Him or say anything, because I know if I do, it'll spark some huge issue, and He'll probably never want to speak to me again, due to the aforementioned lack of investment in the relationship.
Granted, most of this stems from my general insecurity, something I've carried with me my whole life, but it just seems like I have a nasty habit of getting myself into situations that will inevitably lead to me being hurt.
I haven't seen or spoken to Him in a few days because of some things He said to me that I found to be hurtful, but I doubt He has any idea that I'm even remotely upset about it. I don't know if He's just dense, or if He is honestly incapable of seeing how other people react to His humor. As is what I assume a result of this noncommunication, He went to a party this weekend at the house of someone I've gone to school with for 3 years (an acquaintance if not a friend), and took with him a girl to whom I introduced him, who knows, but barely, the people throwing the party. Not once in the course of that night did He, she, or anyone else at the party think "Oh, let's call Evans and see what he's up to." Especially given the immediate association that most of these people have between the girl and me, who introduced her to them, this is disheartening. (If, for example, Z had been going to this party with a girl in whom he had a sexual or romantic interest, I wouldn't be offended, because that is the nature of the beast, but as the two are no more romantically involved than I am with either one of them, it stings to know that he prefers her company to mine, or indeed that they all do.)
At said party, the girl fell off of the roof, subsequently breaking her heels/feet in the process. As a result, He and she both called my sister and I the next day asking what she should do. (my sister, it should be known, was also purposely left out of the loop by the Girl, who is more her friend than mine). That's how we found out about this fun evening of partying and mayhem that we, of course, were excluded from. While I do feel genuine sympathy got the Girl, as she may require extensive medical treatment, I can't help but be incensed at the whole situation, which, I imagine, makes me seem petty.
The worst part, to me, is that his not calling me that night displays that he is cognizant of the fact that I am upset with him, but not only is he unwilling to acknowledge it or apologize, he went ahead and made things even worse.
Fuck my life.
X
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