Things fall apart.

Due to issues of disclosure, I am refraining from putting this on Tumblr.

My sister like to joke that my friend Z and I are a married couple, which is funny, but when push comes to shove, I see what she means. Sadly, for me, the marriage seems to be less happy than stressful. I am not a person who has very many friends, but those friends to whom I cleave I hold very close to my heart. Sadly, this means that I tend to end up in friendships wherein I put a lot more stock in the relationship than the other person, which leads to me getting hurt. A lot.

I consider Him my best friend, but I get the distinct feeling that if we stopped talking tomorrow, He probably wouldn't care. He has plenty of other friends (many of whom include people that I consider my friends), and I feel like most of the time He's just humoring me. I dunno. It's also one of those relationships in which I don't want to confront Him or say anything, because I know if I do, it'll spark some huge issue, and He'll probably never want to speak to me again, due to the aforementioned lack of investment in the relationship.

Granted, most of this stems from my general insecurity, something I've carried with me my whole life, but it just seems like I have a nasty habit of getting myself into situations that will inevitably lead to me being hurt.

I haven't seen or spoken to Him in a few days because of some things He said to me that I found to be hurtful, but I doubt He has any idea that I'm even remotely upset about it. I don't know if He's just dense, or if He is honestly incapable of seeing how other people react to His humor. As is what I assume a result of this noncommunication, He went to a party this weekend at the house of someone I've gone to school with for 3 years (an acquaintance if not a friend), and took with him a girl to whom I introduced him, who knows, but barely, the people throwing the party. Not once in the course of that night did He, she, or anyone else at the party think "Oh, let's call Evans and see what he's up to." Especially given the immediate association that most of these people have between the girl and me, who introduced her to them, this is disheartening. (If, for example, Z had been going to this party with a girl in whom he had a sexual or romantic interest, I wouldn't be offended, because that is the nature of the beast, but as the two are no more romantically involved than I am with either one of them, it stings to know that he prefers her company to mine, or indeed that they all do.)

At said party, the girl fell off of the roof, subsequently breaking her heels/feet in the process. As a result, He and she both called my sister and I the next day asking what she should do. (my sister, it should be known, was also purposely left out of the loop by the Girl, who is more her friend than mine). That's how we found out about this fun evening of partying and mayhem that we, of course, were excluded from. While I do feel genuine sympathy got the Girl, as she may require extensive medical treatment, I can't help but be incensed at the whole situation, which, I imagine, makes me seem petty.

The worst part, to me, is that his not calling me that night displays that he is cognizant of the fact that I am upset with him, but not only is he unwilling to acknowledge it or apologize, he went ahead and made things even worse.

Fuck my life.

X

World Traveller

As it turns out, my dad is going to Indonesia next week, for a week. Of course, he hired a housesitter, so I can't have any parties there, but hey, what can you do, eh? He's going with his Medical Group, because apparently, the Indonesian government is tired of their nationals coming to America for surgery and such, as it loses them money. So, the Indonesian government is having the partners fly to Jakarta for a week to meet with prospective and past patients, maybe do a little treatment while they're there, and help them start to set up a new hospital. The Yudhoyono government, apparently, wants to build a state-of-the-art hospital in Jakarta, to keep their people from leaving the country to seek medical care, and the upside of this is that they want each of the partners of the group to come to Indonesia a few times a year for a week or two and treat patients. While normally, one might think it odd to travel 22 hours to treat patients when there are plenty here in the States, you must remember that these Indonesians are richer than God, and pay in cash. CASH. This being the operative term in the equation. 

Of course, my father being the LOVER of world culture that he is, has been on me for the last week about information on Indonesia. This is his first excursion to a Muslim country, and my father is no fan of the Muslims, so it should be an interesting experience for him. Granted, the elite with whom he will be interacting are hardly extremists, there will be a certain culture shock, to be sure. He needs to keep his wife in check, that's for sure. Sadly, he won't be able to see Borobudur or Prambanan, or any of the other archaeological wonders of Java, but he will get to see Jakarta, which should be eye-opening, to say the least. Keep in mind that this is only a preliminary expedition, however, which will hopefully open the door to much bigger and better things. He may even get to take his children with him on one of the trips.

Regardless of travel opportunities, the greatest benefit of this deal coming through is the money. If this thing happens, Dad will be going to Indonesia two to four times a year, for a week or so, and be making 500k in CASH for each visit. All expenses paid. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. That, in addition to the work he does here, will hopefully get him off my ass about getting a job, and maybe raise my allowance. That would be wonderful. Just peachy.

Ugh. Tired. 

More later,

X.

LiveJournal Can Suck It.

God. Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone on LiveJournal is an angry, Vegan, neo-Pagan Lesbian who's still in high school? Jesus Pete. I've had just about enough of that mess. The only real upside to LJ is that I know people on it, so things I say and do are noticed by them. I have approximately one friend on Blogger, and she doesn't know it. Blargh. CSUN is proving to be both easier and more annoying than I anticipated. Easier, inasmuch as I spent three semesters at USC, and what class I did attend was at the very least intellectually stimulating. CSUN classes just...aren't the same. I dunno. My PAS teacher is, in my estimation, the single dumbest Ph.D I have ever had the intense displeasure of meeting. His speech is garbled, mispronounced and downright silly, and it's nearly impossible to read anything he writes. How this man got through graduate school is beyond my ken, but it looks like I shouldn't have a problem. It's a shame, too, because he is such a nice man, and his mama's people are from Colfax, but he is just as dumb as a rock. If you're going to be an African-American Studies teacher, you might want to take some time to learn how to properly pronounce the names of people, countries and tribes about which you are teaching. He's passionate about the subject, but in an Afro-centric way that puts me on edge. Prime Example: On a quiz last week, we had a question regarding words of African origin. The choices were Yam, Goober, Canoe and All of the Above. The answer he wanted was the last one, but I happen to know for an indisputable fact that Canoe is NOT an African word, and comes from the Taíno language, via the Spanish canoa. When I tried to explain this to him, he blustered and told me that I was wrong, and to look at some ethnographic study from the 1920s. 

Ugh. More Later.

X.